Well this escalated quickly!

I'm going to make this a short blog, as I myself am still processing the news and nothing will be confirmed/no plan will be finalized until I see Dr. Garrett (yeah!! She is the best, and I am confident with her as my Dr., she is a caring professional and person, I know I'm in good hands!)

Also, first off want to say how blessed I was the last few days to have my mom down here with us! She was able to attend the final meeting we had with Dr. Winter this afternoon.  He confirmed all the results I have already shared with you, as well as, the newest biopsy from my neck lymph node....it was positive for cancer. With that being the end of the line of  the lymph nodes, that means all the other lymph nodes that lite up are also cancer.  Dr. Winter expressed he hasn't seen Cervical Cancer act this aggressive before, which causes alarm.  This also mean that my treatment needs to be just as aggressive.   He explained the surgery (the hysterectomy) will be on hold....if we have it (need more clarification here)  But that the first priority is to get me going on my chemo and radiation treatments.

He said survival rate is based on how my body reacts to the chemo........................this is where it escalated quickly!!!  I don't know how this cancer thing all works....I'm assuming they say that to everyone who will go through chemo?!?!  But right there, in that moment, as those words fell out the Dr. month-my heart sank.  I don't know what I was expecting....given all the test results, I guess I still wasn't ready for a "survival rate" discussion.  

Right now, the next step is scheduling with Dr. Garrett to finalize treatment plan and get this thing going!!

Things I've learned.....

1. I am ready for the fight of my life-literally!

• Maybe all that I have gone through thus far in my life-have been to strengthen me for this moment.......wait...maybe...what am I talking about! Of course they have! 
•  God is in control, He has allowed me to suffer and therefore strengthen my faith and trust in Him to up to this point in my life!  God you are so good!! Thank you for preparing me for this battle, I won't back down and neither will you.  
• Maybe this got inspired by Ryan and I listening to "Praise you in the storm" from Casting Crowns  and  "Oceans" from Hillsong about 10x on the drive home

2.   A family for Ryan and I is attainable

• Remember in my previous post I said all those things about how I was "ready" to think of family in a different way...well...on the drive home that all came crashing down.  Overcome with heartbreak for a child I'll never have that is part Ryan and part me,  was met with the Lords whisper of "they may not have your features, but they will be yours"  I felt the Holy Spirit repeat that to me until my sobs turned into a calm acceptance.  Thank you Lord. 

Thank you everyone who takes time to read these ramblings :)

  

Strong Face! (The pink was a  fun coincidence)

The bright white oval in the middle is one of the tumors that showed up on the scan.