As the sun is shining and the sky is clear, we, Amanda's family, are together to write this final blog of her recent journey. The last blog post was about Amanda and Ryan's time in the mountains together. After a refreshing weekend, with prayer, quite time as a couple, and a real time of reconnection as husband and wife, she returned to Eugene for the first round of the new chemo treatment. The great news about this new second-line chemo, for Amanda, was less side effects, specifically, she wouldn't lose her newly growing hair!! What a treat to have eyebrows again, a real moment of joy. Days after starting this new round of chemo, Amanda was very short of breath and taken to the hospital for assistance. They gave her an oxygen tank, and we all laughed at her humor as she said: "no, it's not a space age personal vacuum, or even a party in a can, it's even better!! It is Oxygen to keep me dancing!" The next morning, Amanda woke early, and in pain. After an attempt at pain management through her meds, her doctors upped the dosage. Unfortunately, this new amount of medication, combined with her physical feelings, began causing her alarm. Something wasn't right. After resting for a few hours, Ryan noticed that her left side was unresponsive, and her speech was slightly slurred. It was clear that Amanda had just had a stroke. She was taken back to the hospital, and on Saturday, July 12, she was admitted into the hospital, and began the process of recovery from the stroke. While this may seem like such a setback, Amanda was so ready to fight, fight, fight. After a few tears, she made the decision to start Occupational and Physical Therapy. She wasn't going to let a stroke stop her from fighting. As the days progressed, so did her progress. She loved showing us her new tricks and different ways she was regaining use of her left side. She would tell us, with laughter, that she felt like a lame horse, dragging her left foot. It was so wonderful watching her recovery, and her sense of humor, during a time that would make most of us want to quit. During her recovery, she loved to walk the trails around the hospital, through the trees and along the river (usually sitting in her wheelchair, with Ryan at the "wheel"). While Ryan would attempt to take her down the paved paths, Amanda would often request the narrow side dirt trails. After a brief warning from Ryan that the wheelchair didn't have "shocks," he would power on down the dirt trail, and they would bump their way along. Amanda loved these adventures!
While Amanda continued to improve through her daily Physical and Occupational Therapy, the looming issue was still in the back of our minds...what is the new, second-line chemo doing? Is it effective? What is the next step? Amanda's Oncology Dr., Dr. Lee, was on vacation, and Amanda was connected with Dr. Cho. He was everything she needed, communicating clearly, and compassionately loving on Ryan, Amanda, and Amanda's family. She was pushing hard to continue her chemo, and, after some resistance, he told her he would do a CT scan, to determine what, if anything, the chemo was doing. The CT scan would make clear the next steps. On Saturday, July 19, Amanda had a CT scan, and we all anxiously awaited the results. The next morning, July 20, Dr. Cho came in with the results. The cancer had at least doubled since her previous scan on June 19. It had moved into other organs, including her kidneys, liver, and brain. The news was tragic. Dr. Cho took all the time the family needed, showing comparisons from previous scans, and talking through the reality of what it meant...Amanda would not leave the hospital again.
We had been working in the background with Hospice in anticipation of her return home. Ryan began clearing out the dining room for a bed, and her constant care. Amanda and Ryan were heartbroken that they could not be home. The reality, however, was that she needed pain management only the hospital could provide. During that meeting with Dr. Cho on Sunday morning, he did something that blew everyone away. Dr. Cho has been working very hard to bring new cancer treatments and clinical trials to Eugene, focusing on t-cell immunotherapy, in the fight against cervical cancer. He told Amanda he would be honored if she would allow him to name his new project "Amanda Bahler Program at the Willamette Valley Cancer Institute." She said yes. Dr. Cho has been quick to point out that there are still many hoops to jump through to get this new program started, but we are so humbled by his request and intentions. We told Dr. Cho how thankful we were that he was pioneering this new therapy, to which he replied: "Amanda pioneered this therapy, she was supposed receive this treatment in Maryland."
As the reality set in for us, Amanda refused to give up! She would not be beaten by this cancer! It was time for "treatment" to stop, and move only to comfort care. She would not stop, and requested that Physical Therapy continue. Her nights were getting to be difficult, as the hospital staff worked to help manage her pain. The affects of the cancer were moving quickly at this point, and she was struggling to breath through the pain. In the midst of these past few days, she was able to receive visitors and brightened whenever anyone came to see her. There were always at least three people in the room with her, including her parents, siblings, and Ryan. In the midst of the pain, we saw beauty in so many things. On Wednesday, she wanted to go on a few walks. She was taken down to the gift shop, where she perused different items, and talked about which items should be on the "maybe" list for purchasing. Early on Wednesday evening she wanted to go on another walk, but this time, out of her hospital gown. Ryan spent time dressing her so she could be in "normal" clothes. She then requested earrings, which her sister Jill quickly removed from her own ears and place in Amanda's. She was so beautiful. True to form, the paved paths weren't enough, and we were all soon following Ryan and Amanda down the bumpy dirt paths. She wanted pictures, lots of them. Wednesday night was pretty difficult, and by Thursday morning it was determined that she needed better pain management. She was no longer able to eat or drink, and with the new meds, she was finally able to rest. Throughout the day, she had a few visitors, and would wake up and have great interactions with them. She even showed some of her "tricks," which included lifting and waving her left hand. While she slept, we began to realize that she was fairly unresponsive. We were assured by the hospital staff that she could hear us, and soon realized how true it was. Ryan never stopped telling Amanda how much he loved her, and at one point, Ryan wrapped his arms around her and told her again how much he loved her. We saw that she could hear us, as she reached out and placed her right hand on him...even at this point, she was comforting others.
By Friday morning, July 25, it was clear that Amanda was beginning to slip away. We spent the morning worshiping with her, reading scripture and praying. As Friday continued, her breathing became labored. It was a challenge, as a family, to know her time was close. While we did not want to let go, we wanted her to be free of pain, and in the arms of her Savior. We continued to play guitar, worship, and pray...Amanda loved worship. Ryan and the rest of us told her it was okay for her to let go and run to the waiting arms of Jesus. Around 6:30, Friday evening, her brother Glen was able to join us, and it seemed as if she had been waiting for his arrival. We sang some more worship songs, and held her. Just after 7 PM, she opened here eyes. She looked directly at us, and we were able to tell her how much we loved her...it was clear that she was ready to leave us. With her family surrounding her, holding her, and telling her it was okay to leave, we all sang "Jesus Loves Me" to her (such a significant song from her childhood). Ryan held her so close in these moments, listening to each heartbeat. She was knit together in her mother's womb, the doctor handed her to her dad at birth, her dad gave her to Ryan on her wedding day...Ryan heard her last heartbeat, and got to give her to Jesus. She was free, and in the arms of her Savior at 7:10.
It is a time of great sorrow, and yet, we know with confidence that Amanda is free from pain and dancing in Heaven's streets of gold. Amanda wanted each of you to share in this journey, and we, her family, cannot thank you enough for all of your support, love, financial contributions, and prayers. She loved you, even those of you she never met. She leaves a legacy in this world that we are all so proud of. Amanda was funny, she was a lover, she was a fighter, she was passionate and full of compassion, she was beautiful.
As you can imagine, we are still working through tears to make decisions. We have not yet set a time or date for her service, but we will be sure everyone knows what the plan is, as we know.
Amanda Nicole Bahler
March 28, 1984 - July 25, 2014
Thank you!
Ryan, Gary, Karen, & Family
Amanda with her mother and sister Kjrstin
Amanda with her sister Jill and Ella
Amanda with her Dad, Ryan and Mom
Jill helping with a pop of color
A much needed dog visit
Off-Road wheelchair adventures
My True Love
