After several days of a strange pain in my leg and Ryan telling me "That's not normal, you need to call your doctor" I finally decided maybe I should call, not that i thought something was terribly wrong-but that they should know i am experiencing this new symptom. (They meaning my Dr. Winter at Compass Oncology in Portland) Well turns out i should of listened to Ryan a lot sooner (not the first time that's happened!)
The Dr. got me scheduled immediately for an ultra sound on my legs (this morning) and turns out I had several bi-lateral blood clots. Dr. Winter called me soon after this to discuss with me what this means as well as results of the other previous tests that i had done these past few weeks. (He was planning on telling me on the 4th, but with this new information he wanted to disclose everything)
On my pelvic MRI they found a 2cm tumor, I'm guessing attached to my cervix, and on my PET CT Scan there were several area's that "lite" up. They use this term "lite" up because they injected me with a low dose of radiation that sticks to any abnormal lymph nodes. Well my cervix area was lite up pretty good and even going into my abdominal area.....there was even a lite up lymph on my neck!!
So what I learned today...
- Blood clots are serious, we don't want it to dislodge and move into my lungs!
- My activity levels need to be on the low side
- Bummer!! We had to cancel our fund trip we planned with friends to go snow tubing at Mt.Bachelor tomorrow.
2. I am scared of this new path
- I had prepared and come to terms with the path that my cervical cancer was taking me on (until this point) The path of yes-I would have to have a hysterectomy and family planning would be a journey......I was at a point where I was ready to find joy in other couples cute belly bump photos on FB, I was ready to genuinely be happy for others when they announce their pregnancy, I was ready to open my heart to what "family" really meant; I had a peace about this, and was ready to walk strong on that path The Lord called me to walk. But now that path is very much overshadowed, and my only concern is making sure I live.....
- Womanhood....funny term, but some women find great honor in it. I could be ok with having my "womanhood" removed aka woman organs (because no one would see!) but to have my womanhood start to fade away on the outside-whoa, that is scary to me. (I'm talking about loosing my hair) I know my value comes from within-but come'on what woman is excited about a bald head! And I don't look good in hats-ha....guess I'll try some wigs.
3. My doctors rock!
- I've talked to Dr. Winter personally multiple times today, he was working hard to get things figured out and moving fast. He brought on-board Dr. Garrett (my original doctor from my first cone biopsy back in July-she is here in Eugene) With whom I have also talked with multiple times today, she rattled some cages trying to get me in for that biopsy on my neck today, but turns out it'll be first thing tomorrow morning.
4. I have a family that is loving, supportive and their willingness to help is overwhelming.
- Since I am from Washington, i don't have family close by. But it has been amazing to have them offer to drive down here if i asked. I know they are fully capable of lifting me up in prayers, in spirits, and even for some good laughs.
- My UFC (that's University Fellowship Church-where i attend and work) family has also been there for me every step of the way! I know they will carry Ryan & I through this journey. Just today I had someone whom I've never meet, FB message me, saying I'm now on her prayer list! That is how the Body of Christ should be working....glad to be part of such a healthy body at UFC
- My amazing husband-Ryan-who has assured me through this whole process of not only his love for me but for God's love for me.
5. Even more than me being scared, i feel drawn to my Creator, my Savior, my Redeemer!
- His Love > my fear
- Although I don't understand this new path in my life, I know it is His Will to bring me to His glory and likeness. He knows Ryan and I can handle this and grow closer to Him.
That is all for tonight, my head hurts ;)
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